I Know Nothing & Neither Do You

I can’t give you any answers. So if you came here thinking that, you’re wrong.

I can only share what I’m going through and hope it helps you in some way, even to know you’re not alone.

I’m lost.

As the great Socrates said, “I know that I know nothing.”

I don’t know what I want to do, who I want to be, or where I want to be. And it scares the hell out of me.

I used to be so sure of myself, that I was going to work for the CIA, catching terrorists, living in DC in a sweet penthouse. Rich as hell.

When I was 15, if you would have told me that I’d be struggling as a Personal Trainer and Freelance Writer, while still living at my mother’s because my husband (who I had a crush on when I was 15) and I are continually outbid, while dealing with some form of depression/anxiety, meanwhile racing my bike, I would have had some wise crack and maybe even gave you the finger, followed by expletives.

And through high school into undergrad, up to graduate school, I believed that’s where my education would take me. I even tattooed my favorite painting on my body because I was so sure I’d never come back home after earning my Master’s degree.

I gave up friendships and relationships to chase after a dream. I’ll never get that back.

I applied to dream positions, spending hours on applications, asking for letter of references, and the like. I thought I deserved it because of the money I spent on my degrees, the time I spent reading and writing, and everything I gave up to pursue those careers.

But I was dead wrong. I didn’t (and still don’t) deserve anything. I think this is what causes my misery: The belief that I deserve anything. Just because I did a thing doesn’t mean I deserve shit. No, I’m not the “entitled millennial” that the Gen Xers believe us to be. When I grew up, I was told that if I worked hard, I’d get what I wanted. It’s not true.

You can work your ass off and still not get what you want and just because you work hard doesn’t mean you automatically deserve anything. It’s kind of a sick reality come to terms with when that’s all you’ve ever been told. They made it seem so easy when I was younger. Go to college. Pick a career. Apply. Get that career. Find a partner. Get married. Find a house. Buy it. Live happily ever after. Right?

I was taught to “dream big.” Hell, in 5th Grade we created our own businesses – mine was JDM Lawfirm. My ten-year old ass already had a plan. I wasn’t thinking about just playing with friends outside or my math homework, no, I was planning my future before I could even grasp the concept of future, past, and present. Little 5th grader Jessica would not have guessed I’d be where I’m at now. Last year I wouldn’t have thought I’d be where I’m at today and because of that, I feel like every year I’ve regressed, not progressed.

With each new year, I feel a little less sure of myself and my abilities. My goals and aspirations become a bit fuzzier as my identity evolves. Every new day I question what I truly want in life. I’m confused. I thought I knew what I wanted. I don’t. I don’t know where to go at this point. As a planner, this drives me nuts. I’m throwing shit against the wall, waiting for something to stick. Once something sticks, I follow it. I’ve been following shit and talking to walls for my whole life. I know that I know nothing.

7 Steps to Reach your Goals

Setting S.M.A.R.T.E.R goals.

I recently got together with my racing team to set our goals for this upcoming race season. It’s easy to say, “I want to increase my power:weight” or “I want to be faster.” The thing about goals is that if you set broad ones, you’ll get broad results. You won’t know if you’ve actually attained a goal if it’s not specific.

It’s like if you went into a restaurant and ordered, “something hot and spicy.” Sure, you’ll get something sizzling and tongue-burning, but if you’re a vegetarian, a chicken layered in spices isn’t going to win over your appetite.

Setting specific goals yields specific results. Usually. Sometimes, we don’t reach our goals even though we had the idea narrowed down and took the steps.

Sometimes we just fail – and that’s okay. We can’t always win. Hell, we may never win. I’ve read that failure builds character.

specific

When setting your goal, you should be able to answer the Who, What, When, Where, and Why.

Who is involved in your goal?

What’s involved with your goal? What do you want to do?

When is this goal? When do you want to reach it?

Where are you doing it? Is there a location?

Why do you want to reach this goal? How will it affect you?

Be so specific you can taste it.

 

Measurable

 

When setting your goal, you should be able to track and measure the progress. When you quantify your goal, you can stay focused and see where you’re at – if you’re progressing or regressing.

Measuring and tracking your goals keeps you aware and then you’ll know if you’ve attained your goal.

 

Achievable

Is the goal you’re setting realistic? Can you actually achieve this goal in the time frame you set? Do you have the tools and resources you need to achieve this goal?

 

 

Relevant

 

When setting your goal, is it worthwhile? Will it meet your needs? Does your goal fit in with your overall objective(s) in life? Does it align with your big picture?

 

Timely

 

Set a date when creating goals. This keeps you accountable. If you never have an end date, then you never have to achieve your goal. Set dates to give yourself a sense of urgency.

 

exciting

 

Are you excited about the goal? You should be. If you’re not excited about your goals, you’re less likely to work hard to reach them. When we aren’t excited or enthusiastic about things, we’re not going above and beyond for them. Like your job, if you’re not excited about your job, you’re going to give a half-assed effort to get through it. Just like goals, if you’re enthusiastic about your goals, you’re going to half-ass it.

 

-Reward

 

Some people believe they need a reward to reach their goal – other than the achievement of the goal being the reward. Think of something to gift yourself (that won’t deter from the goal – i.e. don’t gift yourself a donut if your goal is to lose weight) when you reach small milestones in achieving your goal. It tends to make it more worthwhile.

Ready to write out your S.M.A.R.T.E.R goals?

Here’s a template for you to get started: S.M.A.R.T.E.R Goals

If your goal is weight loss, gaining strength, endurance, flexibility, or any of the combination, please email me so we can get you to your goal: grinandgrindit@gmail.com