How to stop caring about people’s thoughts about you

I’m competitive.

I’m assertive.

I swear.

I’m opinionated.

I’m vocal.

And a lot of people don’t like that. They don’t like me because of it. I know there are aspects of my personality I’m completely unaware of that turn people off. 

And that’s their problem.

I can’t be everything to everyone and I’m okay with that.

If I was (which I’ve tried), then I wouldn’t know who I am. Still trying to figure it out, actually.

If you don’t relate to this, then you’re not trying hard enough. You aren’t authentic. You hide behind everyone else’s interests.

Stop doing it.

Granted, if you’re just an asshole then people are justified in not liking you. I’ve been there. I’ve been a jerk before. Most of us have. The biggest thing is realizing you’re being a dick and change.

Why is it a good thing for people to dislike you?

Because it means you stood up for something. Even if that was saying you like Sram over Shimano or you prefer to ride mountain than road.

When you stand up for something, there will be people who agree and then there will be people who disagree. The people who agree, who accept you for what you stand for, are your people. Let the others be.

There’s a saying, “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.” What this means is that if you don’t have convictions, then you’ll continually try to bend to others’ whims. You won’t think for yourself. Your mind will be a slave to the others.

And that’s no life.

If you have only ever people-pleased then you probably don’t know who you are.

Right now, stop trying to be everything to everyone. 

First of all, it’s exhausting. Second, it’s not genuine. Third, realize who you are and be that.

Be authentic. You don’t have to agree with everything so people like you. You don’t have to take on activities, interests, or hobbies if you don’t like them just to fit in. 

If you know who you are, if you have strong convictions, if you’ve stood up for something, congratulations. 

You are a person with feelings and original thoughts. Keep going. Let anyone who doesn’t like you fall to the wayside and focus on those who accept you for who you are.

You’re an inkblot test

What do you see here? I bet if you asked the person next to you what they saw they’d give you a different answer from yours. Why? Because you both look at the world through different lenses. 

It’s the same reason why someone will like you and another person won’t. People judge you based on their beliefs about the world. It usually has nothing to do with you actually.

Just like this inkblot hasn’t personally offended me, I’m pretty neutral towards it. If I never saw it again I’d sleep just fine. It hasn’t done anything to me. It just is.

Someone else may look at this image and be angry or become disgusted. It’s based on their deeply personal beliefs. It’s nothing to do with the actual inkblot picture.

If you’re struggling to not take it personally when someone doesn’t like you, read Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The Four Agreements.” One of the agreements is “Don’t take anything personally.” In it, he says:

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….

Own your You-ness

The amalgamation of quirks you have is what makes you unique. How boring of a world would it be if everyone was the same?

Start owning all the different things that make you You.

There are some people reading this who don’t know who they really are deep down. I get it. I’m still dialing it down as well.

If you want to “find yourself” or hell, to stop people-pleasing and “do you,” Mark Manson lists seven questions to ask yourself:

1. What’s your favorite flavor of shit sandwich and does it come with an olive?  

Life is a struggle and choices and sacrifices. So, what’s worth the sacrifices you make? What aren’t you willing to give up even when it’s tough and seems like the world’s conspiring against you?

2. What is true about you today that would make your 8-year-old self cry?

What did you like doing when you were eight that you aren’t doing now? I can’t even remember being eight.

Like Manson, I loved writing. I wrote in my diary, I wrote poems, and I never wrote for money or accolades or fucking website traffic. I did it because it was fun.

3. What makes you forget to eat and poop?

Ever get caught up in something for so long that you forget to eat lunch? 

Again, for me, that’s writing. If I get into a good rhythm, I’ll keep going. I especially get involved in solving problems. Lately, it’s been trying to figure out Instagram’s algorithm for my clients’ profiles.

I’ll spend hours reading and tearing theories to solve the riddle. This also comes with writing catchy captions and finding captivating photos and posting at times the audience is on.

4. How can you better embarrass yourself?

Is there something you’re putting off because you’re afraid of what others will think?

Fuck em.

You’re hurting yourself more by not following your curiosities and interests and passions.

5. How are you going to save the world?

There are a lot of issues in this world. What pulls at your heartstrings? What pisses you off? 

Now go be part of the resolution.

Complaining is easy to do but working for change requires work and commitment.

6. Gun to your head, if you had to leave the house all day, every day, where would you go and what would you do?

Manson says that we’re too complacent. He says that passion is the result of action, not the cause of it. 

Finding your passion is action-oriented. You’re not going to find it laying in bed. As comfy as bed is. 

7. If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do and how would you want to be remembered?

I’d travel to all the places I keep putting off until I have “more money.”

Once you go through those questions and dial down your answers, you’ll have a better understanding of who You are. When you understand yourself better and know what you believe in, it will no longer matter if someone doesn’t like you.

What'd you think?